The so-called marriage, half endure, half enjoy

time:2023-01-29 17:35:16source:novahomeonline.com author:Relationship
The so-called marriage, half endure, half enjoy

I saw a woman before, in a group, frantically complaining about her husband. What is the content of the rant? Said he didn't take care of the children at all. She worked every day, worked overtime, was exhausted to death, and had to accompany the children when she came back, so she had no room to breathe, and her husband didn't worry about it at all after returning from get off work, and just went to the game. He also said that he didn't care about his father-in-law and mother-in-law at all, and he agreed to buy some gifts and go back to see the old man together. At first, he vowed to take care of this work, but it was only when he was about to go home that he realized that he was completely unprepared. I took a bottle of wine that was about to expire from home temporarily and went back; a few times, when she came home to cook in high spirits after get off work, he waited and watched without saying anything, and he also disliked her in various ways, or disliked her. She cooks slowly, she either dislikes her for putting too much oil, or she dislikes her being too salty, and so on, that face really wants people to kick him away. and so on. In fact, it's not a big problem, but because it's too small and too detailed, it fills all corners of life, so that she feels that this day is really impossible. Enough is enough, she wants a divorce! Seeing this, seeing her extremely angry expression, we all feel that divorce is a certainty, so we won't say much and wait for her to announce it. However, a few days later, I saw that she had sent another message in the group, this time it was not a rant, but a compliment. The content of praise is also the trivial things in life. For example, when he went to work one day, he took the initiative to take the garbage at home and throw it away; or just remembered her birthday, bought her cakes, flowers and gifts on her birthday; and she was very tired the day before. At night, he was changing diapers and breastfeeding the child... Looking at it like this, she felt that this marriage was not useless at all, and she could still be patient and endure. From her different attitudes before and after, I also figured out some truths. It is said that marriage is a piece of chicken feathers, and it may be true, but it may be too serious to say that all marriages fail because of this chicken feather. "I think a more likely marriage is half enduring and half enjoying." To endure is to endure the unmatched pace of life, the unaccustomed living habits, and the inaction brought about by the other half's inaction towards the family. A sense of equality; enjoyment is to enjoy the sense of security brought by the community of husband and wife. Thinking of this, I think a lot of people say that getting married is not good or bad, and it makes sense to urge unmarried women to get married quickly. But then again - is there no other choice besides these two options? In addition to enduring, it is enjoyment, and there is no excess in the middle, so the two will always be saturated, right? I saw an example before. It was an old lady in her 60s and 70s who wanted a divorce, and the reason for the divorce was that she endured it for a long time, and it would always break out. So, patience is like a bomb that can explode at any time, it's just a matter of time. There should always be a middle ground between patience and enduring, so that the marriage can be sustainable. Speaking of which, I am reminded of the relationship pattern of a couple I heard before. This couple is already an old couple, and the marriage is doing well. Like most people, their marital status has always alternated between enduring and enjoying, but there is one difference. Every summer vacation, the couple will always plan a separate trip, without family and friends, without children, not to mention the other half, they "run away from home" with money and their own luggage. During this period, if there is no special need, the two will not talk to each other, and the husband and wife will give each other a vacation. Of course, it's not always the two of them who go out. Sometimes the husband goes to play and the wife stays at home, and sometimes the wife goes to play and the husband stays behind, but in a word, the purpose is the same - no explanation, no inquiries, and no other half. Come to think of it, that might be the secret to their harmonious marriage. "I put this behavior into a new term, called venting." This is the neutralization option between enjoyment and tolerance. "Enjoy + endure + let go" may be a decent marriage. What does emptying mean? It is to first take oneself out of the community of husband and wife and become a happy "lone traveler"; then leave the environment where husband and wife live together and go to a new environment. Do these two points, and let the shorting begin. During this time period, you can allow yourself to do whatever you want without worrying about your family. Whether you want to share or not depends on your mood. Thinking about it carefully, there are many benefits to this kind of shorting. First, I changed the state, from the common state of husband and wife to a happy "single", without considering the feelings of the other half, as long as you take care of yourself, it is very relaxed; second, the new environment can make people relax physically and mentally, thus more It’s good to let go of yourself; third, people can think more rationally only by getting out of the original environment, such as thinking about whether they are comfortable with getting along, whether their marriage is healthy, etc.; and the fourth point is that they have been together for many years. A person who only realizes his dependence on each other when he sleeps alone, just takes the opportunity to feel it. Every marriage is for a long time, just like the teacher will let the students rest the day before a long-distance running competition, and a few days before a major exam, the teacher will not arrange any more courses, but let the students relax. The same is true for short-term relief - short-term short-term relief and energy accumulation will allow you to have more and better energy to manage your marriage. What we want is not momentary enjoyment, but long-term companionship, mutual support, and continuous love. So looking at it this way, it is not incomprehensible to let it go. After all, the short-term release is to walk together longer.
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