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Power motives: domestic violence and cold violence are the power struggle between husband and wife Darwin wrote this sentence in "Origin of Species", "The evolution of all species in nature is the result of the competition between powers." I particularly agree with this sentence, because I think that the communication between people, Regardless of the relationship, there is more or less a power struggle involved. For example, when talking about a certain topic with friends, people will especially hope that friends can agree with their views, and when friends disagree with their views, people will try to prove that they are right, even if they can't prove it, people's hearts will also Because of the failure of dialectics, it is a little uncomfortable. For example, when working with colleagues, people want to be respected and recognized, and do not want colleagues to oppose or look down on themselves. Maintaining one's own opinion, maintaining one's dignity, and wanting to be recognized by others are all manifestations of a power struggle. The reason for this is that the manifestation of power is not only in the status, but also in the maintenance of self-interest. Debating, winning and losing, seeking one's own happiness and interests, all need to rely on defeating others and let others recognize you in order to achieve your goals. If you want to be recognized by others, you must at least have a certain position in society, or a certain position in the hearts of others. Therefore, people's views are not recognized or others trample their dignity, which is equivalent to others touching their bottom line or interests, equivalent to touching people's inverse scale, equivalent to reducing people's influence on others, people In this state of being provoked by power, a victorious spirit arises and competes with others. Talking about power struggles with friends is to hope that married men and women can understand that husband and wife are both cooperative and competitive. In motivational psychology, there is a power motivation, which refers to people's concern about their own status and their own status in the minds of others. There are two types of power motives, one is positive power motive and the other is negative power motive. The domestic violence and cold violence I talked about in this class belong to the negative power motives among the power motives. The so-called negative power motive is a kind of psychological behavior of people "fear of losing power". Why do you say that? The case of Fiona and Fred provides the answer. Fiona (pseudonym) is a female friend I met when I was working as an emotional counselor. Fiona is a strong and domineering person. She either beats or scolds her husband. Because of this incident, she was almost divorced. The reason why Fiona did this was that her husband had to listen to her, otherwise she would not love or respect her. In order to make her husband give in, prevent him from raising the slightest resistance, and damage her status and power in the family, she often takes extreme ways to treat her husband. Maybe some friends will say: "Women can't beat men, how can domestic violence men?" Fiona's husband loves Fiona deeply, and he is afraid that his strength will make Fiona leave him. Therefore, he never resisted and let Fiona beat and scold himself. However, no matter how deeply a man loves a woman, if a woman keeps abusing a man, the love in a man's heart will gradually disappear. Therefore, when Fiona's husband couldn't stand it, he took Fiona to the Civil Affairs Bureau to apply for a divorce certificate. Fortunately, Fiona took the initiative to admit her mistake at that time, and she was not divorced. Unlike Fiona, Fred's way of asserting his power is cold and violent. Because, Fred's wife often humiliated and arranged him, which made Fred very miserable. In order to maintain his power and family status, Fred decided to let his wife know how powerful he was by cold communication. This method does have some effects, but for men, if this method is often used, it will hurt the couple's feelings to some extent. Domestic violence and cold violence are inherently violent, and they cannot really allow married men and women to maintain their status in the family. Instead, married men and women will lose their family status because of these two things. , or even the loss of a marriage. Because, although people are afraid of domestic violence, it will also wipe out the hopes and fantasies in people's hearts. When people suffer from domestic violence for a long time, they will adopt the method of divorce to protect their own interests. Cold violence can't make people feel afraid. However, lack of communication and interaction will lead to separation, suspicion, and resentment between husband and wife. When this kind of bad attitude towards partners and marriage becomes stronger, people are unwilling to interact with each other. Partners live together. The quality of the partner is low and it has caused some harm to the family. Appropriately adopting domestic violence or cold violence can maintain your power. However, if you often treat your partner in domestic violence or cold violence, during the power struggle, It will only result in a lose-lose situation. Married boyfriends and girlfriends, if they want to truly win in the power struggle, they must get along with their partners in a loving manner in the stage of managing the marriage and solving the problems of husband and wife, because the emotional needs of the partner are met, A partner-centered approach to marriage can enhance your status in your partner's mind and make your partner care more about yourself. In the power struggle between husband and wife, men care more about women, women are the winners of power struggles, women care more about men, and men are the winners of power struggles. I hope friends keep this in mind. |