A 40-year-old woman said: It is too difficult for a middle-aged couple to live together in a marriage

time:2022-12-08 10:34:27source:novahomeonline.com author:Parent child education
A 40-year-old woman said: It is too difficult for a middle-aged couple to live together in a marriage

Text/Xia Mo

Preface

Zhang Ailing said: "Love looks very romantic and innocent, but in the end the reality is cruel , because she can't stand cooking with oil, salt, sauce and vinegar." Many couples, after middle age, often encounter such a problem: There seems to be no contradiction in the marriage, but the relationship between husband and wife is very flat. In the eyes of outsiders, they respect each other like guests, but in fact, only each other understands each other, but they are just living together. Fengjuan thought that all marriages were like this. After the age of forty, the relationship between husband and wife was like a stagnant pool. They lived under the same roof, but there were few common topics to talk about. The two entered the house before and after get off work. She was more concerned about what each other would have for dinner and what the children would do at night. The husband is lying on the sofa, answering customer calls or playing with his mobile phone, and he has not communicated with each other's life until before going to bed at night. Husband Huang Kai will give Feng Juan living expenses on time every month, and will also attend important occasions in the family of both parties. Other than that, the two have nothing to do with each other. During the rest time, Huang Kai just went out to fish, check his mobile phone, and have dinner with his friends. If, now, asked what kind of clothes, shoes, and jewelry his wife was wearing, he would never be able to answer. This kind of life made Fengjuan feel very empty inside, but there was no way to change it. Husband did not listen to his advice at all, no desire to communicate with each other, and would not divorce. But such days made Fengjuan live a very tormented life. The 40-year-old Feng Juan said bluntly: It is too difficult for middle-aged couples to live together in a marriage. Gorky said: "Marriage is the spiritual union of two people, and the purpose is to overcome all the difficulties and hardships in the world together." Marriage is like a contract, allowing two people to keep their original aspirations and live under the same roof. In a good marriage, husband and wife can always cooperate with each other and treat each other with sincerity. A bad marriage, but gradually lived without intersection, became a marriage that lived together as a partner. When people reach middle age, why does it become difficult to live together in a marriage?

One, live together, not appreciate each other, do not recognize each other's way of life

If, in marriage, the spiritual world of two people is completely independent, The hearts of the two are closed. Then, the real state of two people is to live together. When people reach middle age, the most common state between husband and wife is that they no longer appreciate each other. There is less communication between Fengjuan and her husband because the husband cares and pays too little attention to her. So much that her husband doesn't know what she likes, what style of clothes she likes to wear, and what color she likes. Moreover, the way of life between Fengjuan and her husband is also different. Her husband often complained that she loved cleanliness too much. When he got home, he had to be careful everywhere, for fear of quarreling with her after the house was dirty. And the wife felt that her husband was too lazy, he didn't do housework when he got home, and he often made a mess in the house. Socks were thrown everywhere, and the clothes that I had worn were also thrown away, and soot bombed all over the house. In marriage, the eyes of two people can only see each other's shortcomings. In a marriage where they live together, two people do not appreciate each other and often habitually deny each other. As a result, the sense of value and belonging in the marriage is getting lower and lower. Naturally, the level of happiness is also decreasing.

Second, it is difficult to communicate various things in life, such as poverty alleviation marriage

In a marriage, the abilities and opportunities of two people are random, and there will always be one Strong personal ability, bear more financial pressure and family pressure. A marriage that lives together can easily weaken a person's ability and eventually become a marriage of poverty alleviation. Huang Kai seems to have a high status in the family, and Feng Juan has to be careful of his ridicule from time to time, but Feng Juan makes more money, and the family life has not fallen behind. Huang Kai was envied by his friends for marrying a wife who was both civil and military, and he only needed to learn to eat. Fengjuan earns a lot, but she has no right to decide her own wealth, and she is very angry. Every time Fengjuan wanted to take money and be filial to her parents, her husband would be dissatisfied. However, when the husband's family had something to spend money on, the husband did not discuss it over and over again, so he gave the money to the mother-in-law to repair the house and use it for his brother's marriage; or to buy a car for his sister... Huang Kai felt that the wife earned Half of the money is his, and he has control. And Fengjuan's control over money is limited to spending on expenses and children. Couples who live together will not really understand their lover's inner feelings and will not really care about her needs. Moreover, communication between husband and wife has become increasingly difficult. Between each other, they all stand on their own positions and safeguard their own interests. The more capable party, the more they pay in the marriage, and they are often not understood. The two people are disappointed with each other and refuse to give in. The conflicts between husband and wife are difficult to resolve, and the grievances are getting deeper and deeper.

Third, there is no love in marriage, only life

Couples who live together and live together gradually live without any love. There is no love, a marriage that lives together, only focuses on the basic material life, and it is difficult to be happy spiritually. The focus of Fengjuan and his wife is always on each other's only wealth, and for the money in hand, they are calculating their future life. There is no true love between the two, and some are just intriguing. At the same time, Huang Kai often feels that he is already an old husband and wife, and there is no need to buy any gifts for his wife. Therefore, in all seasons of the year, no matter what festivals are celebrated, he has never given his wife a gift or said a word of gratitude to her. No matter how Feng Juan guides him, he is indifferent. Even complaining: Live your life and waste that money on what to do. Gradually, Feng Juan stopped expecting her husband to do anything romantic to her. Between middle-aged couples, once there is no love, life will gradually become dull, boring, and even hopeless. Marriage exists because of love. Without love in marriage, women and men will feel no sense of happiness and no sense of belonging. Without love, there will be more suspicion and accusations between husband and wife, and less empathy and respect. Gradually, the running-in between the two people will continue to breed, leading to constant conflicts.

Summary

Wenger Juli wrote in "The Law of a Happy Marriage": "The happiest and loving couples in the world have at least 200 people in their lives. The thought of divorce twice and the thought of strangling the other party 50 times." In this world, there is no perfect marriage, only a happy marriage that is constantly managed and created. On the road of life, marriage needs to support each other and understand each other. A good husband and wife relationship, no matter what stage of life you go to, is willing to put your lover in the most important position in your heart and love her with life. And, in the long years, we must learn to express love and learn to continuously cultivate love. Because, if there is love between husband and wife, marriage will become vivid and splendid. There may be problems in anyone's marriage. Men and women should communicate with each other in a timely manner when they find signs of problems. If problems are found, if you do not communicate, and if you do not repair the relationship between husband and wife, then there will be more and more irreconcilable conflicts between husband and wife, which will seriously affect the development of marriage. For the rest of your life, please cherish your lover and manage your marriage with your heart. Happiness is created by oneself and controlled by oneself. -END- Author: Xia Mo, a cutting-edge emotional tutor, a psychologist, an emotional writer with over 1 billion people on the Internet, a manager of a happy woman, focusing on emotions, gender, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for more than ten years.
Related content