"You want to marry me after you've had enough fun. It's too shameless": There is a kind of love called duplicity

time:2022-12-08 09:13:02source:novahomeonline.com author:Relationship
"You want to marry me after you've had enough fun. It's too shameless": There is a kind of love called duplicity

I have wine and tea, if you have a story, come to me. Click "Follow" above, you are my person. Somerset Maugham, "The Moon and Sixpence": "Most people become not who they want to be, but who they have to be." Everyone has dreams and fantasies about what they want to be There are people, and they all strive for perfection. No one wants to be an ignorant or useless person. However, ideals and reality are often not equal. From an emotional point of view, this reality is unacceptable and full of inner resistance. However, when everything becomes a reality, you have to accept it if you don’t accept it. In this case, it is not suitable to be attached to the person you want to be. Instead, you should start from the person you have become to manage yourself, and maybe you can move towards a better one. Orientation to cultivate your own life. For example, if you want to be a good person in the eyes of others, but it backfires and others don’t think you are a good person, then you don’t need to be obsessed with pleasing others, but you should pay more attention to yourself. In the same way, when you take care of yourself, how you want others to treat you is also an ideal. When the ideal is defeated by the reality, what you have to do is not to compete with yourself, but to accept the unsatisfactory reality, and then re-determine your future direction. Including the treatment of love and marriage, should also have such a consciousness. Life is not easy, and if you worry about emotional trivial matters, it will only be worth the loss.

Letters from readers:

I really hate who I am now, I feel so hypocritical, I don’t mean what I say, what I say is duplicitous, and I clearly still love my ex His girlfriend, but he didn't dare to marry her as his wife. Since I met her, the most vicious thing I ever said to her was when she proposed to me, I told her in a pretentious manner: "I want to marry me after I have had enough fun, it's too shameless!" Is that so? Would you intentionally hurt someone just to let out a bad breath? Will you also know that the other party is not wrong, but still speak rudely? Hearing my words, she was very sad, tears welling up in her eyes, but she stopped talking. But even so, she didn't say anything hurtful, she just said to me with a crying voice: "I understand, goodbye, I wish you happiness!" At that moment, I knew that I lost, lost completely, lost A crushing defeat. I feel bad for her, but I feel bad for myself even more. I, who have been pretending all the time, have broken my skills and can no longer pretend. She may never know that after she turned and left, I cried more sadly than she did, because I lost the woman I loved by my own ability. I have a hunch that this breakup is destined to be a lifetime. I shouldn't blame her, I shouldn't be duplicitous. The reason for the breakup was because of something in her family. She was not in the mood to talk about love and wanted to put her love on hold for the time being. As for me, I said that I understood her, but at the same time I blamed her, and even after the breakup, I hated her. All of my actions show that I love her, but there is something wrong with the way I love her. Sadly, I love her but refuse to think in her shoes. Obviously I only need to take a step back, but I chose to attack strongly, hurting her and hurting myself. When I regretted and wanted to save it, I found that everything was impossible, and our fate had come to an end. I want to start over with her, but don't know how. I've asked many people for advice, and everyone I've asked for advice has given me ideas, but it doesn't work. I found that what matters most is not how I do it, but how she does it. I also know that I should let go of what I can't get, but it's really hard to let go!

Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:

Looking at the problem between the lovers roughly, many people tend to think that A man doesn't know how to "think in a different position" and thinks that the ultimate tragedy has something to do with his love for face. He is too selfish and only cares about his own feelings and ignores his girlfriend's feelings. It's not wrong to say this, but there is a very real problem that most people in this world cannot do empathy, or are not used to empathy. On the way to work a few days ago, I was still thinking about this question: I was walking on the sidewalk next to the sidewalk, and an elder sister riding an electric bicycle behind me kept honking her horn, as if she was saying that the dog is out of the way. In fact, from the moment I saw her coming, I had already tried my best to walk aside. She could have accelerated over me, but she chose to keep honking the horn. At that moment, I got a little impatient and stopped to guide her through. She was even more impatient than me, rolling her eyes and speeding past me. There would be less impatience if we all empathized. Even if only one side thinks in a different position, it will not hurt both sides. The problem is that when something is going on, we who are not used to thinking in a different position can't think of doing it, and are more used to thinking "you are in my way". Don't talk about the cliché that "if you love someone, you must know how to think in another person's shoes", this is simply nonsense. It is precisely because most people can't do it that some people raise their arms and shout, asking people to understand empathy in their relationships. From an individual point of view, the habit of empathy needs to be cultivated slowly. From the perspective of lovers, it is necessary for both parties to develop good habits and slowly run in. After the run-in is good, everything will be fine, but if the run-in is not good, it will be a complete failure. There is no third situation. What we need to do is, after recognizing the truth of this kind of life, if we think it makes sense to think in a different position, we should cultivate this habit in our daily life. As for whether it can be used flexibly, it is up to you and everyone. can not help you. There are many truths about love, one of which is: don't express love in a "duplicitous" way, don't express love in a hurtful way, this approach is not clever, but a stupid behavior, and in the end it will only hurt both sides .
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