After the Spring Festival, the man loses sleep for a month, the National Day is coming, the man: I bought you a ticket to go back to your parents' home

time:2023-01-29 author:Harmonious family
After the Spring Festival, the man loses sleep for a month, the National Day is coming, the man: I bought you a ticket to go back to your parents' home

John Gottman wrote in his book "Happy Marriage": The core of the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the turf war launched by two women in order to obtain the love of a man. There is no doubt that a mother loves her son. This is a piece of flesh that fell from her body. How can she not love? Even, if necessary, she can sacrifice everything, including her life, for her son. In mother's eyes, we may always be a small child who needs her to take care of and stare at all the time. The reason why the mother-in-law is hostile to her daughter-in-law is because she feels that the arrival of her daughter-in-law has taken away her son and made her an outsider. When she sees her daughter-in-law enjoying her son's care, she will feel jealous and unwilling. The second is because he feels that his daughter-in-law is unreliable, cannot take good care of his son, and is worried that his son will suffer and suffer. The daughter-in-law's idea is also very direct and simple. The reason why women want to get married is because they feel that they can live a better life with this man instead of getting worse. Before she got married, she was also a little princess held by her parents in the palm of her hand. Why did she have to be a free babysitter after she got married, and be angry with her for the rest of her life? There will be conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is normal. The relationship between mother and daughter is based on blood relationship. The mother's bottomless tolerance for her daughter and the daughter's whole-hearted trust in her mother are not so easy to replicate in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. . In fact, no matter it is a man or a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law, there is no need to be too strict with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and ask to be as close as mother and daughter. Since it is unrealistic to be like a mother and daughter, it is still possible to maintain a sense of boundaries, not to pick on each other, and to cause as few conflicts as possible! As Meng Fei said: "Keeping boundaries and respecting each other is the best way to get along between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law." "Darling, I bought you a ticket to go back to your mother's house on National Day. This year, let's go back to each house and find each other. Parents." Hearing Mr. Lin's words, his wife, Ms. Wu, was very happy. When she asked, "What about your parents? Will they be unhappy if I don't go back?" Mr. Lin patted his chest and assured him. : "Don't worry, I'll take care of them. You can go back and see your parents!"

01. Married to his wife for more than a year, she I haven't been able to go back to my parents' house because my parents made a lot of trouble;

After listening to Mr. Lin's assurance, my wife was no longer worried, she jumped up happily, and thanked Mr. Lin again and again. Looking at his extremely happy wife, Mr. Lin couldn't help but feel guilty. He felt guilty for having to go back to his hometown with him every time he was on vacation, and for his aggrieved wife, and for his father-in-law who only went back to visit them five times after his only daughter got married seven years ago. Guilt. "There's no way! My wife is married far away, and to go back to her mother's house once, it takes five hours to take the high-speed train and transfer to the bus. I can't wait to spend a day on the road. Usually there are only three days of vacation, so it's not cost-effective to go back. Children, you can’t go back if you want.” As for the National Day and the Spring Festival, every time there is still a month before these two long holidays, Mr. Lin’s parents will stage a phone bombing, demanding that their sons and daughters-in-law must all go back with them. If you don't get the promise of Mr. Lin and his wife, and if you can't see the train tickets that have been bought, the parents will come over to celebrate the festival. "My parents are more traditional in their thinking. I used to tell me that my parents were not traveling far, and they hoped that I would go back to my hometown to develop and accompany them, saying it was filial piety. My wife and I insisted on staying in the big city, and they were already very unhappy. They will never give up if they don’t go back after the holidays.” Every time these two festivals, Ms. Wu would make a scene, complaining that her in-laws were unreasonable: “I can’t have a New Year’s Eve dinner with my parents during the Spring Festival. , I can't go back on National Day, right? You are an only child, and I am an only daughter! Your parents need you to accompany you to do your filial piety, but my parents don't, right!"

02. I can’t complain that my wife hates going back to my hometown. I can only blame my parents for treating her as an outsider. It’s useless for me to say it; She was very unhappy because her in-laws treated her as an outsider. "She's right. I, as a son, can't favor my parents, just because they have gone too far." First of all, Ms. Wu came to this house for more than a year, and her in-laws did not remember Wu. The lady's taste preference, every time the couple went back, Mr. Lin's parents prepared fruit snacks and meals according to the son's taste, never taking the daughter-in-law's taste seriously. "My wife doesn't like cilantro, but my parents and I like cilantro, so every time they make dumplings and buns, they like to put cilantro in the stuffing. My wife endured it for the first time and told my parents Since I don’t like coriander, I hope they don’t put it away, but my parents will only accuse her of being picky eaters, and they won’t remember to leave the coriander next time. As soon as the lady returned to her mother-in-law's house, she became a free babysitter. Every morning, she would be called by her mother-in-law to help her with housework. During the National Day, we should wash and dry the summer things at home, put them away, and take out the winter clothes and wash them again. Needless to say, during the Chinese New Year, Mr. Lin's parents like to be lively and like to call relatives and friends to cook at home. Then, Ms. Wu has to follow her mother-in-law around the kitchen. tired. In the end, originally, Ms. Wu and Mr. Lin agreed that the two are still young. Ms. Wu is only 25 years old. She doesn't want children for the time being. She should work hard for her career and save more money. However, Mr. Lin's parents didn't care. Not only did they make phone calls at ordinary times, but when they were under the same roof with Ms. Wu, they urged them even more.

03. You and she both complain to me, and I will cause trouble for anyone I help, so don't let the two of you live under the same roof

As expected by Ms. Wu, Mr. Lin's parents were unhappy when they learned that Ms. Wu would not go back, and complained to their son. Mr. Lin couldn't bear it anymore, and talked to his parents about the experience of this year's Chinese New Year: "After the Spring Festival, I had insomnia for a month, and I had to take medicine to relieve it, you know? I was afraid that you were worried and didn't tell you, now it seems that I have to Having said that, I don't want to do it again." When his parents asked the reason, Mr. Lin no longer reported good news or bad news, but confided his experience to his parents. "What else can I do? Or is it for you and my wife? Mom, do you think my wife is not good. She has many problems. She is lazy, expensive, and not polite. Every time I complain about her for hours. I As for the wife, you said that you treat her as a free nanny, double standard, dislike me for being incompetent, do not handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, make her suffer all the grievances, and prevent me from entering the room, who do you think I can help?" Blame your parents. , words are hard to say, blame the wife, it is tantamount to adding fuel to the fire. Mr. Lin made up his mind that until the parents are willing to care about their daughter-in-law's feelings and are willing to get along well with their wives, try not to let them and their wives appear under the same roof, otherwise, the two sides will have sharp conflicts, and Mr. Lin will often become the biggest loser. .

04. Smart parents-in-law will not trouble their daughter-in-law, because it is not your daughter-in-law who is in trouble, but your son.

As Susan Forward said: "For manipulative parents, the marriage of their children is extremely threatening. They see their children's spouses as rivals for their children's affection, and they have a violent relationship with them. In wars, in order to take care of the relationship between the two sides, children often suffer from enemies." In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, what women care about most is not the attitude of the in-laws, but the men's. Once a man does not help his parents and asks him to be patient for the sake of his parents, the woman's disappointment with her parents-in-law will turn into a disappointment with her husband's marriage. Seriously affect family harmony. However, as a son, it is really difficult to accuse parents who have given them birth and support, and many men can't say that. Therefore, as a parent-in-law, I hope you understand that when you trouble your daughter-in-law, you are looking for trouble for your son. In the sharp contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, no one can be the winner. END. Topic of the day: Do you have any good advice for Mr. Lin? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.
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