Only after the child goes crooked did he discover that the more obedient and sensible the child was before the age of 14, the easier it was to rebel after the age of 14

time:2023-01-29 author:Household hygiene
Only after the child goes crooked did he discover that the more obedient and sensible the child was before the age of 14, the easier it was to rebel after the age of 14

"A year ago, I never thought that Xiaobao would become like this." Sister Lan said this sentence as soon as she walked into the consultation room. As a strong woman, she is all-powerful in the shopping mall, but she is at a loss when she comes home to face her suddenly rebellious son. According to Sister Lan, Xiaobao was very obedient since she was a child. Every time she felt guilty for not being able to accompany her son at work, Xiaobao would come to comfort her mother, and said that she could do her homework obediently at home so that her mother could go to work with peace of mind. Unexpectedly, this year, my son's temperament changed greatly, he began to skip classes and study, became irritable, and had more and more psychological problems. Through the conversation with Sister Lan, I found that the more obedient and sensible children were when they were young, the more psychological problems they would have when they grew up. The pictures in this article are all from the Internet, and the pictures and texts have nothing to do h1>14 years old is an important watershed in a child's growth process. The child goes from immature to mature, but it is difficult to keep up with the speed of psychological development, so it is easy to become rebellious and difficult to manage. Educators call it the "14-year-old phenomenon", especially the more obedient children are, the harder it is to cross this cut. They are like rubber bands, how tight they are before the age of 14, and after the age of 14. Elasticity (rebellion) is as strong. Why is this? Rebellion is not a monster, it is a process that children must go through. Many parents regard their children's rebellion as a monster, but in fact it is just the awakening of children's self-consciousness, and it is a necessary process for children to grow up. People also find themselves in rebellion step by step, and each rebellion represents a child's growth. Rebellion before the age of 3 is the contradiction and conflict between the child's "self" and "needs"; the rebellion at the age of 6 to 7 is the awakening of their independent consciousness; the rebellion at the age of 14 is the most serious one, representing the child Yearning for self, yearning for personality independence. However, each child's rebellious time node comes differently. For obedient children, their self-awareness development is relatively slow, and they are emotionally suppressed by their parents, so the rebellious time comes later. It usually occurs around the age of 14, because from the perspective of brain development, the child has acquiesced that he is a "quasi-adult". Most children's self-consciousness is awakened. Children who were obedient and sensible before will yearn for freedom. Light. And the emotions that have been accumulated before, focus on erupting at a certain moment, and the deterrent force is often stronger than those children who erupt from time to time.

Long-term self-suppression, children are more likely to have psychological problems

It was mentioned above that child rebellion is a necessary process, so why Do some children seem to have never rebelled? Part of the reason may be that the family atmosphere is too good, and the parents have guided them well, helping the children to get through this gray time smoothly, but a large part of the reason is that the children are suppressed. In fact, such children also yearn for a free life in their hearts, envy others for being able to do whatever they want, and live according to their hearts. Occasionally, when they encounter the oppression of their parents, they also want to rebel once happily, but they never have the courage. Because they are accustomed to obedience, they are accustomed to closing up their true inner self, so that no one can see them, and they have also successfully lived in the expectations of others. The phrase "this child has been obedient and sensible since he was a child" defeated their courage to make a breakthrough. However, although this result is convenient for everyone, it is cruel to children. Long-term repression often leads to the accumulation of more and more negative emotions in them, and eventually psychological problems such as self-loathing, depression, and anxiety are more likely to occur. , or some special hobby. Austrian psychologist Sigmund Freud once said: Everything that is repressed will manifest itself in an uglier form. Falling snowflakes may one day cause an avalanche.

Don't try to domesticate children, give them room to make mistakes

Easy parents always want to domesticate their children and make them obedient, but Really wise parents know to give their children room to make mistakes. British psychologist Winnicott said: "To live out their destructiveness and vitality, to give children the opportunity to make mistakes and the space to correct them, their wildness will eventually be converted into vitality. Otherwise, they may They will lose their original wild energy and cannot celebrate their existence." A domesticated child may seem to be very disciplined in the short term, but in fact, they have lost their vitality and competitiveness. It is not easy to be appreciated by leaders in the future. Psychological research has found that every behavior of a child has a hidden appeal behind it. So when you find that your child has become rebellious, don't think about how to suppress the child first, but carefully review and think about why they are like this, what the child wants, and whether I am good enough. Trying to get into your child's heart and giving them a chance to try and make mistakes is the greatest wisdom of a parent. [Final conclusion] Of course, allowing rebellion does not mean that we can give up our principles and bottom lines and let our children go on rebelling. In the process of children's growth, although their consciousness begins to awaken, their minds are still fully developed, and the three views have not yet been finalized. At this time, parents should play a supervisory role and guide their children to go on the right track, instead of letting them continue to make mistakes.
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