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Beating and scolding will hurt people, and casual words will hurt people too? "Soft" can really open the heart Recently, I saw a private message from a student in the background: "Why is he reluctant to speak when he gets home, and when I ask him he might lose his temper, how should such a life go on? It's really tiring." I believe this is definitely the case. Not an exception. Some people may choose meaningless quarrels when they encounter such a situation, while others may pass it on because they are afraid of quarrels and no longer go into further details. No matter which one you are, you cannot get your married life on track. Quarrels are normal, everyone is ordinary people, quarrels can vent the negative energy accumulated between you; but if you understand what kind of mentality he has, you can take the initiative during quarrels and avoid some invalid quarrels , if there is a problem, face it and solve it, and enhance each other's feelings in the solution. Today, the talented teacher will take you to understand the three different mentalities of men, so that you can solve problems effectively. 1. The ostrich effect refuses to communicate. When a student consulted me, he said: "My husband stays in the car for a long time after get off work almost every day and does not come home. He made a meal at home and asked him to come back. He was still very unhappy. When the family asked him why, he didn’t say anything, he just said he wanted to sit in the car.” For a woman, home is the harbor of love, and no matter what happens in life, she hopes that someone can communicate with her comminicate. For a man to encounter problems, he is more willing to choose a person to face or escape, refusing to communicate with you. This is what I often say to everyone, because men and women think differently. He is afraid of losing face with you and your disappointment with him. It's like the ostrich effect in marriage. Men don't want to communicate with you. They just want to solve the problem by themselves, or maybe they don't want to solve the problem at all, because then he can temporarily ignore the consequences and pretend that nothing happened. . One party is eager to communicate; while the other party refuses to communicate and chooses to escape, the problem will never be solved. When you find this situation and want to change it, you need to find out the source of the problem and solve the problem fundamentally. 2. When a man has this or similar "ostrich behavior", he must not ask directly and recklessly, which will easily cause him to generate more pressure and refuse to communicate. Men usually eat soft and not hard. If you ask him directly, it is easy for him to change from an ostrich with his head buried in the sand to a hedgehog with thorns all over his body. It's the same example just now: you prepare the food and wait for him to come home for dinner, and when he comes back after being in the car for a long time, the food is already cold, you can't help but ask him why, but he didn't say anything for a long time. So come. The grievances in your heart broke out at this moment, and you asked him to ask him to give you an answer. He chose to ignore it, did not explain, or even became angry. In the end, you still broke up on this matter. There are different ways to communicate, simple and rough questions, gentle and caring questions, but when you encounter this situation, you need to firmly take the initiative. Simple and rude handling methods, although somewhat effective in solving problems, will directly hurt each other's feelings. Gentle and caring inquiries are like boiling a frog in warm water, which can not only effectively solve the problem, but also promote the harmonious development of the relationship between husband and wife. 3. Boil the frog in warm water. We talked about the man at this time as the ostrich with its head buried in the sand. Only when the ostrich can't feel the pressure and threat from the outside world will it slowly pull its head out of the sand. In the same way, you also need to create a sense of security for him, so that he can slowly let go of his defenses, tell you what happened to him recently, and you can face up to the problem and solve it together. This process is to let him voluntarily give the initiative to you. For example, when a man is still sitting alone in the car after get off work, you tell him: "Honey, I bought you the coffee that you often drink, and I'm here to see you." Then sit in the co-pilot and say jokingly: "It turns out that sitting in the car really makes people feel much more relaxed." Then chat with him about some interesting things happening at the neighborhood house recently, and whether his favorite team has been winning all the way recently. When all your chatting topics revolve around him, he will relax unconsciously, and all your actions and words are telling him to guide him. I have always cared about you the most, and I will also be your strongest support. He will slowly open his heart, no longer the ostrich with his head buried in the soil, nor the hedgehog who blows his thorns whenever he asks. He will tell you which project may have gone bad recently, or the promotion is unclear, and so on. When a man is willing to tell you about these things, it means that he feels your concern for him, and he will feel moved and guilty, you just need to tell him: "No matter how things develop, I will stand by your side to accompany you. I'm following you." I believe that he will not choose to run away from similar problems in the future, and will actively communicate with you to face them together. Boil a frog in warm water, and the frog will not escape, and for a man, he will never reject a woman who is tender and tender, not a woman who can't understand him but quarrels every day. So not only when you encounter him with the ostrich effect, you can communicate in this way, but you can also take the initiative in daily life. Whether it is you who takes the initiative or he who is comforted by you, for marriage, your life will get better and better. |