|
A mother-in-law's advice to her son: "Don't marry a Phoenix girl, otherwise poverty alleviation will be endless" I have wine and tea, if you have a story, come to me. Click "Follow" above, you are my person. Cao Xueqin's "Dream of Red Mansions": "Gold is easy to get, but it's hard to get a soulmate." Many things in the world are relative. What you think is not easy to get is less difficult than what is even more difficult to get. For example, the money and confidants mentioned in that sentence, in contrast, the latter is more difficult to obtain. At least money can be accumulated, but confidants can be met. In this world, most of you are people who don't understand you, and some are people who don't know who you are at all, and the few remaining people are confidants. No one knows who and where their confidant is, only when they meet them will they know. The point is not to meet new people constantly, but to experience interpersonal relationships with your heart. When it is not suitable, you should stop your losses in time, let the old go, and let the new come. Life only has such a cycle that it is fluid, otherwise it is static. Especially when dealing with feelings, you should learn to identify your confidant, otherwise two people will only torture each other together. The following reader's experience is about this problem, let's take a look at it together. Mr. Donglin's mailbox:My marriage was broken up by my mother-in-law. I hated her because she didn't understand feelings at all, and she didn't understand me at all. She only knew how to rely on the old and betray the old. She thought she knew everything and used her narrow cognition to characterize me as a "phoenix girl", thinking that I had ulterior motives for marrying her son. . Her advice to her son is: "Don't marry a Phoenix girl, otherwise poverty alleviation will be endless!" When I went to communicate with her, she also told me: "I have seen a lot of women like you, you are a Phoenix girl. , you only pretend to be your maiden family, and you have no ability to make your maiden family have a good life, so you want to find someone who has taken advantage of you as a backer. From this point of view, there is nothing delicious about my son marrying you, and there is no end to poverty alleviation The person who marries my son must not be a Phoenix girl, preferably the only daughter in the family. When you marry into our family, you should focus on your husband's family, and you can't steal the money of your husband's family to help your family!" I'm not the kind of person she said. , not before, and never will be. Also, I don't agree with her view of marriage and love. I am married, not selling myself, why should I only focus on my husband's family? My parents have my parents who gave birth to me and raised me, and I have a sibling brother, I can't ignore them. However, it's too hard to communicate with someone who doesn't understand me. She has her own way of making things up. When I tell her the truth, she always interrupts my speech. The implication is that she thinks her words are the truth. , think that I am quibbling and messing around. What makes me even more angry is that my boyfriend actually agrees with my mother-in-law's concept and thinks that she is right, and the enthusiasm for wanting to marry me has disappeared because of her mother-in-law's nonsense. This is not the result I want. Although I made bad plans, I never thought that I would break up in this way in the end. His mother didn't understand me because of the old-fashioned thinking. He didn't even understand me. It was a waste of me to be with him for so many years. Later I discovered that even if I was angry every day, nothing could change. Breaking up is a fact, ex-boyfriend and mother-in-law are still stupid people, I can't force it to become what I want. Then, I had a period of confusion for a while. Although I know that the past cannot be changed, and even though I tell myself to start over, there is more than one man in the world anyway, so I don’t need to hang myself on a tree; however, I’m not sure if I will meet a confidant in the future, and where Sometimes I will meet, I am a mortal, and I will be full of fear in the future, afraid of being alone. The period of confusion is followed by painful changes, because I find that fearing the future can’t change anything, and it’s better to think about ten things than to do one thing. It doesn't matter when you can meet someone you love, what matters is whether you can live a good life first. As long as you can live a good life, you can meet someone you love whenever you want.Teacher Donglin's comments:Everyone has their own aspirations and cannot be forced. Everyone has a way of defining right and wrong, but not everyone's standards are reasonable. In a sense, we all make the same mistake of not understanding others while longing for someone to understand us. In other words, our pursuit of perfection is "outward", looking for someone to cooperate with us to create a perfect life. I don't know, other people think the same way. In this way, the probability that two people who know each other can come together is very low, and it is difficult for everything to be just right. This requires us to grasp the relativity of things. No matter what kind of interpersonal relationship we face, it is best not to pursue absoluteness, because when the water is clear, there are no fish. The big dye vat of life cannot be completely free of problems. What we need to do is to control the problems in relatively few situations. Generally speaking, this can be considered perfect. Take the reader's marriage as an example. She has her own logic, and her mother-in-law also has her own logic. Strictly speaking, neither party is at fault, because each is for his own sake. But it is wrong to put them together, because they cannot integrate with each other and cannot identify with each other. Putting these two roles into marriage will appear to be more problematic. There are many problems, and it is more difficult to solve, and there are even many problems that cannot be solved at all. Therefore, running against each other is the best choice. Rather than tormenting each other after biting the bullet, it's better to find a life that suits you. All interpersonal relationships cannot escape this logic, but very few people can think about things so deeply. They often only focus on the surface, either love or hate. I don’t know that love and hate are always intertwined. You will lead your life to a dead end. |