People who are betrayed by their partners, if affected by the mirror effect, the pain will be multiplied, and the way to overcome is not difficult

time:2023-01-29 author:Parent child education
People who are betrayed by their partners, if affected by the mirror effect, the pain will be multiplied, and the way to overcome is not difficult

What is the "mirror effect", and why does a friend who is betrayed by a partner be affected by the "mirror effect", and the pain will be multiplied? Let’s not talk about the answers to these two questions, let’s talk about a case to my friends. The case I mentioned may allow my friends to know more deeply. Bruce (pseudonym) is a friend I met while working as an emotional counselor. The relationship between Bruce and his wife was sweet and sweet at first, and was envied by those around him. However, since having children, Bruce has become a workaholic, neglecting his wife's emotional needs. When the child was about a year old, Bruce's wife betrayed Bruce. Bruce was deeply distressed when he heard about this. He thought about divorce, but after looking at the children, he couldn't be ruthless. Bruce gave his wife two options, divorce or cut off the relationship with the extramarital lover, Bruce's wife chose the second. After Bruce's wife returned, in order to make up for his fault, he treated Bruce with a better attitude than before. Bruce sensed his wife's sincerity from his wife's behavior. However, Bruce will never forget the betrayal. In order to get rid of the pain, Bruce looked up a lot of information and information about the betrayal on the Internet. However, as far as he could see, most of them were reprimands, humiliations and particularly extreme words for the betrayers. The more Bruce looked at these information and materials, the more confused and painful his heart became, and even several times, because he couldn't control his bad emotions, he domestically abused his wife. Bruce knew that what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't control his emotions and bad thoughts. Bruce asked me two questions: "Teacher, are the betrayers really like what they say on the Internet and can't be forgiven? Are the betrayers really? As others have said, if you don't love your family and children at all, will you betray again?" Friends, from Bruce's story, do you understand what the "mirror effect" is? The so-called "mirror effect" means that people position themselves from the words and actions of others, or people define other people's perceptions and concepts of bad things they encounter as their own concepts. In layman's terms, people's self-positioning and perception of things are mostly derived from the speech and behavior of others. I do not deny that in some respects, the cognitions and concepts of others are correct to a certain extent. However, others are not the real me, nor do they understand their true status. Therefore, the cognitions and concepts of others sometimes Does not apply to myself. Friends who have been betrayed by their partners, if they are too deeply affected by the "mirror effect", will fall into confusion and anxiety. Like Bruce, they have been living in the pain of being betrayed by their partners. If you want to find your own way of happiness and overcome the influence of the "mirror effect" on yourself, the method is not difficult, you only need friends to do two things.

The first thing: see through concerns and worries, and follow your heart

Friends who are betrayed by their partners generally have two Anxiety, worry. The first is related to the child, and the second is related to the self. I can understand that my friends are worried that divorce will have a bad impact on their children. However, I hope my friends will realize one thing: the unrepentant betrayal, betrayal after betrayal, affects children more than divorce. This matter is more serious. Because what goes against morality is hostile to the education a child receives. Friends worry that after divorce, their lives will not be guaranteed, and I can understand that, but do my friends understand the truth: a betrayer without repentance has no sense of responsibility, and once the betrayer decides to be with someone outside of marriage is the best choice, then, sooner or later, it will be abandoned. In terms of these two concerns and worries, the things that friends worry about and worry about have no meaning and value at all, because whether they will happen or not depends on the repentant attitude of the betrayal and the attitude of responsibility towards the family. Instead of placing expectations on the betrayer who doesn't know whether to repent or not, it is better to place expectations on yourself, so that friends can achieve their expectations through self-effort.

The second thing: enhancing one's own strength

There are three kinds of self-power, namely spiritual strength, independence, thinking ability. Strong spiritual power can make friends have self-confidence and courage, strong independent ability can make their lives worry-free, and strong thinking ability can make friends have absolute rationality and will not be affected by emotion. The way to increase your own strength is particularly simple, set two goals. The first goal is a work goal, and the second goal is a physical exercise goal. The premise of setting work goals and physical training goals is that friends cannot exceed their abilities, and they must be within the range that can be accomplished with a little effort. By completing these two goals set by yourself every day, friends will not only gradually become elites in the workplace and have a good career, but also maintain their physical health and keep their mental state in a full state at all times. Don’t underestimate these two goals. When you are healthy, your friends’ IQ, emotional intelligence, and ability to deal with problems will be at a normal level. Your work ability will continue to grow stronger, and your career will continue to expand. Friends’ spiritual strength, Independence will gradually increase. If friends can become a real strong person through these two things, their vision will gradually expand, their understanding of marriage and happiness will gradually increase, and they will no longer treat betrayal as a major event. .
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